Where I Stand...

So auntie calls this morning to ask about what I plan on getting for my cousin who is getting married next month and the rest of our discussion became a sermon. How smart she is! A perfect opening speech to discuss relationship issues again. I cringed to listen to her and at some point had to even end her statements for her. Don’t be surprised if I make the exact statements she makes every time. 

Truth is, this is about the eighth time we’ve had this discussion so I’m used to her ‘chorus ‘now.

Although I partly agree with what she says sometimes, I have questions rising from the amusing comments she makes when talking relationships.  There are two favourite statement of hers, ‘you can have dreams and ambitions, but you shouldn’t have too much of that because you may threaten a man’ and the second one, ‘There is no perfect man, all men are the same, if you say you’re going to wait for that perfect guy, you’ll wait for long. Just be with the man who loves you and respect you and act blind in your relationship and you’ll be just fine’.  Interesting points there, but I think I must clarify something here for my fellow amazing ladies to get things right. I must note here that I stand to be corrected if I go wrong because what I’m about to discuss is my opinion and you all know what they say about opinions...

On to my first question: where in the Holy Bible have we been told not to have a bigger dream or goal and strive to achieve that goal? This scripture may not really relate to my argument but I am convinced enough that what the Apostle Paul wrote in the book of Philippians that he presses on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called him in heavenwards in Christ Jesus, explains to every Christian, which I proudly am, that we should focus and strive to achieve our God-given purposes in life. If anything at all, the Apostle Paul talked about love and marriage, so why then did he not talk to women not to be too ambitious when he asked wives to submit to their husbands? Get this point straight today; when the scripture says wives should submit to their husbands it doesn’t mean you should kill your dreams for the man to be happy. It never means you shouldn’t be too ambitious to achieve that goal of obtaining your PhD. Nowhere does that scripture explain that wives should forgo what they aim to achieve and sit at home to worship a man and make him feel as the head figure in the family. If there’s anyone to worship, it should be your immortal creator and not a fellow human being who can be struck down at any point in time.

Turning away from the scriptures, it’s worth asking what we’re here on earth for. The answer to me is simple; to fulfil or accomplish the task God has given us to perform on this earth so that our generations will live to enjoy the benefits thereof. No matter how huge or great that task is, one has to focus and do anything to fulfil that purpose or at least die trying. So if my Creator has given me an assignment, who is man to tell me not to focus too much on achieving that purpose? I once came across this beautiful statement and I quote, ‘Each gifted man needs a gifted woman to help him to fulfil his objective, destiny and purpose in life. The male and female should be of one mind in doing the work of God’. A brilliant quote there! Assuming this statement is indeed true, which I actually think it is, and then I ask again, where does this explain that a woman should not be too ambitious? I can rightly deduce from this statement that, a woman should be purpose-driven and goal-oriented enough to even match up with the man who is also expected to be on the same level as the woman in terms of achieving a common purpose. Again, the two people must be ad idem with each other in doing the work God has brought them here to do.  So I ask, how can a less ambitious person be with the more ambitious to fulfil a task? How can a woman, who is so smart, be advised to act dumb so that a man would not feel threatened? How would you describe such a relationship? Is the man doing right by the woman? Is the woman being fair to herself and to God?  God has given you the talent and the grace to fulfil a higher calling and society tells you to limit those goals because men will run away from you. Really? If God indeed approved of this societal myth, then why did He give you that smart brain of yours and the grace to achieve whatever purpose he has placed on your heart? Spare me this myth! It’s rather a shame that girls are still being raised to cater for the fragile egos of men.

 I find it disheartening what a renowned writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie once said; ‘‘we raise girls to cater to the fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We tell girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful; otherwise you will threaten the man... we teach them shame, we make them feel as though by being born female they’re already guilty of something. And so girls grow up to be women who cannot see they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think. And they grow up- and this is the worst thing we do to girls- they grow up to be women who turn pretence into an art form’’. How sad!  Now, the people who don’t fear to tell the truth and fight for what is right are termed feminists and are described as bad influence. No problem! If I have to fight for what is right and tell the truth and I will be described as a bad influence, oh! Then I gladly stand shamelessly to call myself a feminist! Yes, I am one and I am not ashamed to fight for my fellow women and tell them the truth. I agree totally with what Dr. Maya Angelou once said and I quote, ‘’I’m a feminist. I’ve been a female for a long time now. It’d be stupid not to be on my own side.’’  I am a feminist who believes in love and strongly believes in marriage and vehemently opposes divorce but I will never limit my aspirations just to be with someone. No! After all, if indeed I am a gifted woman and there’s a gifted man who can join me and be of one mind to fulfil our purpose, then there’s probably such a man who would never feel threatened or intimidated or have his ego ‘killed’ by a woman’s aspirations.

Now to my next mind-boggling issue; ‘there is no perfect man’, says who? Take this from me today, the Holy Book is very old but I take a position to say that it’s the most current book I’ve ever come across. Why do I say so? It’s one book that has solutions to everything that happens on this very earth. One just has to play a simple part: only have faith and lean on the promises the Lord has given us in His word.  So if God has promised me in His word to perfect which that concerns me, who then has the guts to tell me there is no perfect man? Auntie, I’m so sorry, but if a man should come around a lady and he’s not good, then probably he’s not the one for her. I still take my stand that God will perfect that which concerns me. My partner concerns me, so I strongly believe God will perfect him, period! The good thing I know about the God that I serve is that he is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and not act? Does he promise and not fulfil?

Many ladies have been ill-advised and are now in marriages wishing they were single. They had been told that no man was perfect and so might have ended up with any man; not the gifted man for the gifted woman she is. We are blessed not to find ourselves in that situation so this is the time to make certain firm decisions.  My fellow single, amazing, affable superwoman, hear me today: never settle for anything less than you deserve. You deserve a perfect man, you’ll have him. You deserve a man who believes in your dreams and will do anything to let you achieve them, even if he has to sell his last jacket. Hold on, you’ll find him. Take this from me today, it’s good to look for something so that you’ll find, but sometimes, when you stop looking, that’s when you find. That person you’ve been looking for might be right next to you. He might be too good to be true because you think he’s perfect. Stop looking for the imperfect guy. There’s a perfect one for you.

If you are already married, all hope is not lost. Redraw your plans again and begin to walk that dream. No excuses please. If it has to be taking care of the children or finances don’t worry. Where there is a will, there surely will be a way. You’ll definitely get along well juggling achieving your goal and taking care of the home. Remember the Bible tells us that it is God who gives us the ability to produce wealth. If He indeed assigned to you that task, then He’ll surely see you through. If your man thinks, your decision will hurt his ego, never mind. Just take everything to the Lord in prayers and focus on achieving your goal.

To the real men out there, I don’t want to believe that your ego is crushed or you feel threatened when you see a woman climbing the ladder of success. If you feel intimidated when you are with a successful or a determined woman, then you have to assess yourself. What is so beautiful than walking with your head up high and being proud of your wife? What is sweeter than seeing your woman walk up the podium to receive awards for you to sit down, hit your chest and say, ‘she is mine?’ remember you are a gifted man, you need a gifted woman at the same level with you, both of you should be of one mind to achieve a purpose in life. Feeling intimidated by her smartness wouldn’t help; neither would acting dumb do so. She is your wife, she will respect you, be at your beck and call and make you happy. Only believe in her dream and support her all you can.

In the end when we meet our Maker, I hope we can boldly account for every talent He gave us to accomplish our tasks and not give excuses that we had to forgo some to please a man.  

I can now put down my pen here, hoping that my fellow women will take a word or two from my thoughts. All the best in whatever you have to do. Strive to achieve your goal or at least die trying.

Signed,

Becky Abraham

I still prefer to be called Ezaneaya.lol

IN THE JOURNAL OF MRS. THOMPSON 3

15/03/1988

My dear diary, sorry for keeping you waiting on what is happening in my world. I’m in grief because I lost my dad two days ago. My half sister came to deliver this terrible news today. I still can’t believe he’s gone because I was in his office just last week and he told me he had a slight headache. Apparently, he died of heart failure. I don’t want to think of what mom may be going through now but God knows best. I leave all to Him. After all, He gives and He takes.

The last few days have been good because I went to the hospital and yours truly is 3 weeks pregnant but the doctor said it was not time to determine the gender of the child. I informed Kwesi and he was very happy and for once he kissed my tummy. Yes, he did! The few days since my last writing have been marvellous. Kwesi has been the best husband in the world. I think it’s because I’m pregnant; he buys me chocolate on his way back from work every evening and also massages my feet. When the news came in that dad has passed away, he hugged me so tight and I felt so loved at that moment. Oh, how I longed for this hug! We went for a walk that evening and he did everything to make me laugh all night. I really needed every bit of his presence. I truly appreciate what he’s been doing for me these days. I pray for more everyday.lol 

Now that dad has passed away, I have to visit the family members to discuss his burial service but I’m thinking of my Kwesi.  I’m thinking of who’ll take care of him when I’m away. Who will cook for him and wash his clothes? My half sister was also saying she’d love to stay with me and continue her education since dad has passed. Her mom whom my dad never married died about five years ago and so she had to live with dad till his demise. I haven’t discussed that with Kwesi yet but I plan on doing that tomorrow evening. I hope to make the right decision.

I thank God for these last few days; the love I’m getting from Kwesi and also the gift He has given me; a baby. I also thank Him for the life of my daddy and for calling him in His own time. In everything, I give thanks to God. Rest in peace daddy.

IN THE JOURNAL OF MRS. THOMPSON (2)

08/03/1988

Dear diary, I am very happy today because I think I am pregnant. What I am about to tell you is really amazing and I know you’ll doubt but remember, the God I serve is such a miracle working God. Last night after my evening devotion, I asked Kwesi to give me a massage and he told me he was too tired to do that and he slept off. As I lay on the bed reflecting on the devotion I had earlier on, I saw something which wasn’t a dream, trust me, I think it was a vision I had. I saw a bridal train marching up towards me with such pretty smiles on their faces. When they got closer to our bed, a little flower girl climbed on the bed and sat on me and all I saw again was that, the bridal train had turned their backs and the little girl looked happy as she waved them goodbye. I immediately woke up Kwesi when I came back to my senses and told him what I had seen but he thought it was a nightmare. Diary, I can swear what I saw was real. I couldn’t sleep last night; I kept worshipping God and praising Him all night for what I had seen. I have this strong faith that I am pregnant with a baby girl and this girl I’m carrying in my womb is for signs and wonders. I know that she will live to fulfil the purpose for which God sent her to do.

My in-law, Kwesi’s mom was here today. I don’t know what this woman is up to. The first place she entered immediately she got here was the kitchen. Auntie Naomi just entered my kitchen and opened the saucepan on the stove to see what I had made for her son. I came back from my bedroom only to see my in-law dishing out the food I had prepared for my husband to eat. When I humbly asked her why she did that, this old woman had the guts to ask who gave me the money to cook. She made me know today that anything that belongs to her son in this house belongs to her. Ahhh, Auntie Naomi paa is something else o. You know, I promised myself never to have sex till I got married and so I seldom visited Kwesi in his house when we were courting. We used to hang out a lot in open places and in my house when my siblings were around. He didn’t even like the idea of me coming to visit because he thought it was embarrassing on his side. I would have gotten to know this in-law of mine better if I had gone to his house often when we were courting. No wonder Kwesi doesn’t like his mom, he never speaks well of her. I now understand.

Diary, do you think I should tell Kwesi about what his mother came to do here? Because I’m thinking my husband will get angry and say hurtful things to his mother and that will mean I am causing issues between a mother and her child. I don’t want these kinds of issues in my marriage; I want to have peace in my home.

Ps: I plan on going to the hospital tomorrow to check if I am pregnant. Fingers crossed!

IN THE JOURNAL OF MRS. THOMPSON(1)

02/03/1988

My name is Mrs. Ama Thompson. I'm married to Mr. Kwesi Thompson, a clerk with a renowned institution in Tema. I met Kwesi at church; in fact he was the youth president at the time. A very dynamic and spiritual fellow he was. People kept talking about his prayerful life and how He had availed himself for God to use him. He told me he was from a very poor family and that his father who was a fisherman never married his mom who was just a help in someone's house. I felt pity for him and also felt something for him which i would call love. I then decided that I'll walk with this man and be his help. My siblings were so much against the relationship that some even decided not to talk with me anymore but i was never bothered; I had found the love of my heart. Not to boast, I come from a well-to-do family; my dad is a big time businessman and my mom is a nurse. It was dad's wish that i marry his business partner's son Sam but truly, I never liked that guy. He was always clubbing and having fun so when I met Kwesi who was so such a staunch christian, I knew he was what I wanted in a man. I did everything for Kwesi, I made sure he changed his wardrobe so that he could feel good anytime he came around my family, especially my dad. I created the impression that he was also from a good home so dad could accept him; little did dad know i was using the money he gave me to cater for my Kwesi.

Kwesi proposed to me on the 25th of January, 1987 , that was after my dad had found him a job. I thought it was too early for him since he needed time to settle down but no, my Kwesi boldly went to my dad to ask for my had in marriage when i had travelled with mom so when we came back from the trip, dad told me my husband-to-be had come for the marriage list. Well, it wasn't really a bother because I loved him and I knew I would marry him someday. Our wedding was so big and wonderful, my parents did everything to make me happy on my day and dad gave us a house to live in upon my request. Everything went on smoothly as I wished till I started noticing something. Anytime we closed from church on Sundays, Kwesi would chat with this particular girl for quite a long time and when I walked to him to let him know I'm waiting for him, he'd ask me to take the lead and that he'll come home later. He'd come back like 3 hours later and when I asked he'd be bold enough to tell me I'm not his superior to be asking about where he goes.So soon?

Dear diary, I'm writing all this today because i feel betrayed, not by an enemy but by a lover. Apparently, the lady Kwesi always chats with at church is his girlfriend. His own friend John told me this. Kwesi made me believe that he converted her to Christianity and so it is his responsibility to know how she's coping with the new path she has taken. I approached the girl today after the fasting and prayer service this evening at church and she admitted that she was indeed seeing my husband. She begged me to let that stay between us and promised never to see Kwesi again. I haven't asked Kwesi and I doubt I ever will. Don't ask me why?

A demon with the wings of an angel.

I think I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t have to bother myself with people’s issues anymore. It looks like people take you for granted when you are nice to them and even take you for a fool. I have been advised several times not to let what I go through affect my personality but hey sometimes, pulling back I think is better than to have some wounds that would be very difficult to heal. Trust me!

There’s this girl I met during my last semester in uni through a next door neighbour in the hostel I resided. This guy kept telling me about a girl he was taking care of in school because she was a pauper. I was so touched by her story that I wanted to meet her badly. I finally met this girl and her story I heard again was just too bad. She told me her parents passed away when she was just a kid and that she stayed with her half sister in Kumasi who paid no attention to her at all and that she had to struggle to pay her fees. I immediately opened my arms to this girl and told her to come to me if she ever needed any help and that she was now my sister. What even made me like this girl most was when she told me she is a prayer warrior and that she loves to pray at dawn and cannot sleep if she doesn’t get to the field to pray. Little did I know I had opened up to a demon. I made this girl so free around me that she’d get up in the morning and the next place would be to my room to search for food. I was never worried about that since I thought I was a blessing in someone’s life. What even hurts me most was the fact that I introduced her to someone I have always respected and cherished my whole life. She met this lady and also lied to her about herself just as she did to me.  Apparently, she even told my mentor about a scholarship she had been awarded and that she needed GHC1500 to process her documents to study in the United States for some time. Hmm, I just bless God I found out who she was before someone offered to sponsor her. I remember a time I took her to the mall to shop for her because she had told me she never had the motherly love and that no one cared about her. All I wanted to do was to make her happy; I would call this girl right after my lectures and ask her if she had had lunch even when I hadn’t had mine. Another stupid thing I also did was to introduce this girl to my boyfriend!

The whole truth about this girl was revealed when my boyfriend and I realised that her conversations with us did not tally with who she told us she was. This girl who told me she had to fast for some days because she couldn’t afford gari was the same person who was now telling me she used to drive Mercedes and that some prominent people in Ghana were her friends. We started to raise eyebrows at what she was now telling us but who were we to judge someone.  A guy who was also in the same hostel and claimed to know the girl in question back in Kumasi was apparently looking for me to warn me against the girl since that was what she did to get the attention of others and dupe them. The girl was a number one fraudster and a liar who had played her tricks on many people on campus but what baffled me and still does is the fact that she was a member of many societies on campus and even had the guts to run for leadership roles in some of these social groups when she was not a student. Well, that is another issue for another day as to how someone who is not a student found her way in a hostel as a student to swindle innocent people. She told me she was a student pursuing languages with majors in Spanish, Chinese and Portuguese. I don’t even know how and why I  believed her when there was no way someone could be offered to read more than two modern languages in the university. I gathered courage to confront this girl and ask her if what the guy told me about her was true and that was when she started to rattle more lies. It looked like nothing good ever came out from this girl’s mouth and the most annoying sentence she’d make before lying again was, “let’s put God in the centre”.

If I should write everything that was revealed in the end, I won’t sleep this evening but the whole truth was that the girl was not a student in the uni, she was a thief and a pathetic liar. I cried that day when I interrogated her and she told me the truth (which I don’t really believe everything she said). I also got to know that the money she was looking for was to get an agency to help her travel with the intention of not coming back and surprisingly, she had five (5) names she used everywhere she went. We woke up the next day and we were told she moved out that dawn. I’m sure she might have relocated to another place to continue defrauding people but I pray people will really know who she is and not fall a victim.

I was told she said to someone that I have disgraced her and made people who respected her know who she really is and that she’ll deal with me but I want her to know wherever she is that I didn’t do anything and that her cup was just full. If anything should happen to anyone she must rather suffer because she has hurt people and not me and besides every truth that was revealed to me I think was from God and not me. I forced the truth out of her when she thought she had won the hearts of people with her blatant lies.

Sara or whichever name you are using now, know that He who lives in me is greater than He who is of this world and my God has also promised me that He’ll let my enemies eat their own flesh as if they are eating bread and drink their own blood as if they are drinking wine and I also want you to know that my God’s words never goes back to Him void which means whatever He says must be accomplished so you better make the right choice.

To my mentor, my role model and my inspiration, I’m so sorry I brought this devil into your life. I know I didn’t do well by not really finding out who she was before introducing her to you but I’ve learnt my lesson. I pray you find a place in your heart to forgive me. I always think about this issue and try to forget what happened but I feel this girl has hurt me so much that I can’t forget. I pray that God will replenish everything you sacrificed for the girl. Once again, I’m very sorry. I’ve learnt my lesson a hard way.

To my pals out there, please be careful of the people you meet in life because they may be demons with angels’ wings.

  

A letter to mama

I am always thankful to have you as a mom. I reminisce on my childhood days and I can never forget the tender loving care you always showed me. I remember what you told me about my birth process. It was you or me (as to who would survive) but you prayed on your hospital bed and said that both of us will be fine. It got to a point where you had to go under a caesarean operation because I was too weak to make it but God showed Himself so strong in us. No wonder you always say it’s also your birthday when it is my birthday; I know you believe God gave you another life.

I think of the times I fell ill and little sister also had an asthma attack and as the wonderful woman you are, you would carry us both and rush us to the hospital. I will never forget the day I could barely walk and you had to run to our neighbour for help because little sister also had a temperature. You’ve always made us know that we are your priority. This reminds me of the time you were driving little sister and I home and a careless driver nearly crossed us. You screamed and what you said was, “Eii, my kids are all I have o, they’re my world and they are what I live for”. At that moment, mummy, I saw love and protection in you. You’ve been so strong when I was weak. I remember in my secondary school days when I felt very sick. Mama, you would not eat and at some point your friends and the doctors thought something would happen to you but they didn’t know you were praying for God to spare your child’s life. Those were the times you put your job aside and made time for me; you never left my bedside and you kept massaging my feet and told me that I would be alright.

Anytime I think about what you do at home, I laugh! I wish I could upload the day you were learning how to dance azonto. I couldn’t stop laughing that evening. Your humorous attitude makes people remember you always. My friends always talk about the food you used to bring us back in our secondary school days, not forgetting your advices which have helped to reshape our lives. I now eat fruits like I would drink water; thanks to you. You have always made me know about the importance of fruits and even with the books you bought to convince me? Hmm, you are the best mom in the world!

Mom, I thank you so much for doing everything in your might to make me happy. I’m so proud to have you as a mom especially when I think of how you push me through academia. You would do everything just to help me attain the best in life, anything I show interest in, you’re ready to help. What else could I ask for? Even at my age now, you make sure you call me at least twice a day to check up on me. You hear a voice change and the first you ask is if I’m ok. I just love how you call me in the morning and call my name with that lovely voice. You pray for me and bless me even before I start my day, aww mummy this love is too much! lol

I thank God for the fact that anytime I go anywhere and people get to know I’m your child, they treat me nicely. People always praise you and tell others how good and humble you are. Your humble and noble character has taken you far and has affected me positively too. I remember how all the workers at the place I did my internship kept praising you and telling me the good things you’ve done for them.

Mama, I know you wanted more kids but God in His own wisdom gave you two but we promise to never let you down. You’ve never let us down so we wouldn’t. I pray for long life and prosperity for you. May you be accepted wherever you go and may the good Lord always remember you as you have purposed in your heart to worship Him alone. Thanks so much for your rituals every morning when you lay hands on us and pray for us and even call to pray for us when we are away.

God bless you and thank you for being you. You are worth celebrating. Happy mother’s day!! J