IN THE JOURNAL OF MRS. THOMPSON (5)

27/04/1988

Dear Diary,

I am not really happy today. To start with, Aba has finally moved in and she is doing very well but I am not comfortable with what happened this morning. I came back from the dawn prayer meeting at church only to find Aba laying our matrimonial bed. I asked her where Kwesi was and she told me he was in the bathroom. Kwesi usually wakes up late and he always lays the bed even before he steps out of the room so how come he asked Aba to lay the bed today?

I have not been able to ask him because I don't want to start any unnecessary argument. What if he was getting late for work and that was why he asked Aba to lay the bed? But come to think of it, he could have waited for me to come and do so, right? Or is it because I'm pregnant? Diary, I have been thinking about this all day. Don't tell me to ask Kwesi, because I can't. You know he gets angry easily sometimes and I wouldn't want to fight with my love over this little issue. I need my peace of mind.
Well, I warned Aba never to enter our room again. This room is for my husband and I and it is my duty to keep the place clean. Aba has no business in my matrimonial bedroom.

I hope you don't think I'm jealous. I know my Kwesi is a bad boy but he has promised never to cheat on me. And I can bet with my head that Kwesi would never hurt me by having an affair with my blood, my half sister. I admit that he likes women, well every man does but he will never chase after my sister, never! That will be an abomination!

Oh, yes! I nearly forgot to tell you about my rebarbative in-law. True to her words, Auntie Naomi reported Kwesi and I to their Abusuapanyin (family head), who also summoned us. Auntie Naomi is a horrendous liar. She went to tell their head that I asked Kwesi to throw her out of the house because the house is for me and I called her "a good-for-nothing old witch". Diary, I wept badly when their family head told me this. How can I call her a witch?And even though the house we are living in is mine, I have never ever reminded Kwesi of that. Let alone his mother! I leave everything to God. I wanted to talk to my mom about it but Kwesi insists that it stays between us. I am not going to visit my in-law and apologise. If she thinks she's a witch, so be it. I never told her that in her face and God knows.

Kwesi and I have decided to go for dinner this evening. I want Aba to come along. I want her to feel free and talk to us about anything that worries her. She has been through a lot. I have to prepare.

Talk to you soon.xxx

IN THE JOURNAL OF MRS. THOMPSON(4)

21/04/1988

Dear Diary,

I know I have abandoned you. I’m sorry for that. You have been my confidant and I feel sad that I didn’t do well by you. You are the only one to whom I can describe exactly how I feel. You are even closer to me than my husband Kwesi. I am sorry for not letting you in on what is happening in my world. I promise to confide in you more than ever from now onwards.

I am back from daddy’s funeral. I must say his burial was a sad one. Mummy couldn’t control her tears. You should have seen Auntie Aya, daddy’s younger sister. She wouldn’t even allow the pallbearers to put daddy’s coffin in the car when he was being taken to the cemetery. But diary, the world is funny o. This woman who was weeping as if her world had come to a halt was the same person who drank and danced during the thanksgiving service till she couldn’t move anymore. Uncle Tony later found her sleeping on the septic tank behind the house. Hmm, this woman can drink!

Anyways, I believe you know I’m pregnant now and I can’t wait to be a mother soon. Kwesi and I have decided to call our baby Michella if she’s a girl or Micheal, if a boy. I have a strong feeling that I’ll give birth to a girl but Kwesi insists that we’re having a boy. Well, we’ll know the gender of the baby soon. But truth be told, I feel tired and sick. I now can’t stand Kwesi’s favourite perfume. I eat like a refugee and sleep like a log. I’m not happy, diary. I feel I’m bloating. My nose is growing bigger as the days go by and as for my feet, I cannot describe. I felt really sad when Kwesi told me last week that I remind him of a glutton in his hometown anytime I eat. It was meant to be a joke but I didn’t take it lightly at all. My Kwesi jokes a lot but I felt this one was a direct attack. Well, that is about the hormonal changes I’m going through now. I’m sure I will be fine. It’s only for a time.

Lest I forget! Kwesi has finally decided to let my half sister live with us. Aba is a very nice lady and even though her mother doesn’t get on well with us, she manages to relate with all of daddy’s children. I think I like her. She will be helpful in the house too especially now that I’m expecting a baby. I can now sleep in peace and not think of waking up at 5:00am to wash Kwesi’s heavy jeans. I intend talking to her before she finally moves in. She has to know her”do’s and don’ts” in this house and what I expect of her.  I have decided to pay her school fees and Kwesi has also decided to help. God bless my husband, he is such a sweet man.

 About my “dearest” in-law. She struck again o, my dear diary. Hmm, but this time she wasn’t lucky. I came home last Tuesday from work only to meet this old woman at my gate with a suitcase. I asked her what was in the bag and this woman had the guts to tell me that she had a dream that I wasn’t feeding her son well so she was coming to stay with us and cook for him. Diary, I think my in-law is suffering from some sickness I cannot describe. Well, I opened the door for her to enter and without asking where she can put her stuff, this old woman immediately opened the guest room and entered. I served her rice and stew which she greedily ate and shamelessly asked for more after complaining that there was too much pepper in the stew. I didn’t utter a word. I was waiting patiently for my Kwesi to come. Finally, at 7:45pm, my baby dropped home! You should have seen how the drama unfolded in this house. Hahaha. Kwesi kicked his mother out of the house and threatened to call the police if she ever stepped in this house uninvited. I thought that was harsh but deep inside me I felt she had been best served what she deserved. She said she’ll will report  Kwesi to their 'abusuapanyin'. Let’s see how that goes.

I think Kwesi is in now, I can hear the sound of the horn of his car. Let me hide you before he finds out about us. Love always, and know I’m back for good.  Friends forever.xxx

The Trauma in Making Decisions

I never knew growing up was such a stretchy, demanding and a rough journey. There was a time in my life when I couldn't wait to be on my own and live the life I ever wanted.  A time came when i wished I were a successful young lady who spent vacations on islands and all but if I was told about the hurdles of growing up, I think I would have relaxed and wouldn't have lifted my hopes that high.

Now there are decisions to make and I'm scared to make mistakes. In fact, i don't ever want to have to write about my deepest regret one day.  I keep praying to God about choices to make because chale it looks like  there are many avenues and I don't know which way to go.

I bet I'm not the only one going through this,sometimes we feel like there should be that one person who should  tell us where to go and what to do and success can be assured. Really, I'm tired of pretending like I know what to do every time, I'm tired of acting like I know where to go  and how to get there. I get so frustrated and depressed sometimes  especially when it comes to making the right choices in life. In fact, I wish God would come from above and hold my hand and  send me to places I need to be and show me what I  need to do. Yes, that is my wish! But for now I need to hear Him and follow His path but......

In times like this I rest upon God's promises especially  His promise to give me a hope and a future. It's a bit scary to think of the future sometimes but I know because He lives i can face tomorrow.

I don't know what decision you have to make at this moment but I'll tell you something; follow your heart because you can never go wrong when God is there. Yes,, pressures may come from every side but  don't you ever worry because you know who you have in your heart and He can never go wrong! 

I made a promise this year to cling to the "old rugged cross" and to fix my eyes on Jesus.We may be scared to make the wrong decisions but let us always remember that with Jesus in our hearts and our eyes fixed on Hiim, He will direct us and help us live the fulfilled life He brought us here to enjoy.

No more depression, non more sadness, no more anxiety in decision making when we cling on to that man of Calvary! -Ezaneaya

When Being Strong Is Your Only Option

I told my colleague today that I'll smile whilst I have teeth and she was like,"yh, that's so true, a good point there!" I spoke with a friend and she wondered why I sound  cheerful on phone lately and I responded simply;" that is my only option". 

There are times when people see you in a very gleeful state and wonder what could be the secret but they have no idea the down moments you've had. The days when you cry all night and wish you weren't going through your current situations. There have been times I wept all night and my eyes were swollen by the next morning and had to lie that I had an allergy, times when I never felt like seeing anyone but rather be alone and cry my lungs out.

Many people would be wondering why I'm writing this but my status about women today is simple: a strong woman is the one who cries at night but wakes up in the morning and tells herself that God is in control! Yes, God is fighting all her battles and victory is hers. Life is a rollercoaster but when God is with her, He carries her when He knows she can't go through the pain anymore. 

My fellow women, I think we should always celebrate and walk with our shoulders high because God is mightily with us, His Holy Spirit is within us and His angels walk with us. Yes, we may weep and wonder why we're going through that situation but we are rest assured that Jesus got our backs! :)

God loves us and He would never never ever leave us. After all, He's not a man that He'd lie.

Love you ladies

The Pregnancy Wahala!

My dear wonderful, noble, amazing and beautiful ladies, please read this: the fact that the guy broke your virginity or got you pregnant doesn't mean you should hold on to h!im especially when he's treating you like a football. 

I had a sleepless night after my friend called late in the night to tell me what her boyfriend did to her. Ok , so her first idea was that she's a Christian and so she  made a promise to herself that the guy who breaks her virginity would be the one she'll marry and that to me is the first offence! The second idea was that she got pregnant for this guy and so he definitely had to be the husband when the guy had no plans of settling down. Second offence!

See, a man who will help you remove your pants but will let you wear it yourself after the act is a no no no. Girlfriend, I'm sorry but you should have seen this coming. The biggest sign was when you played the big prank on him that you were pregnant and the first thing he did was to pick up his phone to look for that pharmacist's contact. What were you thinking? Do you think he was asking for a drug that would keep the baby safe in your womb? Or he was asking for the prices of diapers?? And when you finally got pregnant for him you remember what he told you, that he didn't 'cum inside you'. Great! 

You told him you'd want to keep the baby and he was bold enough to tell you to leave him out of that decision and that he had no plans of being a dad. A good idea of not thinking about terminating the pregnancy but I'm wondering if you've stopped hanging out with him since you promised that the man who breaks your virginity will definitely be your husband.

OK, so what if I told you he already has a baby somewhere and you're baby mama 2. I'm being very real today because my dear, know this for a fact that you're not the only one going through this. See, we've all done things that could raise eyebrows but we share our stories not only because we want to come out clean, but because we don't want others to go through what we went through. We should teach people to walk on the rocks we stumbled on! We don't have to wait for them to also stumble before we teach them how to crawl, they have to walk! Baby girl, I decided to share your story because I felt this is nothing new to my fellow women. We are always hearing people's stories but someway, somehow we fall into that trap too and that is when we need a pick-me-up story to follow. 

Your story may also inspire another Lady to rescind her decision of aborting a baby or it may even touch a man's heart to accept the responsibility of being a father.

To every lady who is going through this like my friend now, I urge you to take heart. Whatever you decide to do is a choice, not a mistake. Please know that God is not mad at you and He'll never be. Confide in someone who is not judgemental and let them know what your plans are. 

I always pray that a time would come when a woman can run to her fellow woman to talk about sensitive issues without fear of mockery, intimidation or even gossip. Let's empower each other as women, it is my fervent prayer that we women will see each other as sisters and praying partners in the Lord and not enemies. They say women are their own enemies but I wish we would be at peace with each other and lift up prayers in oneness to our Sovereign God. 

This is one woman's story, I don't know about yours but I pray that the Lord holds you. Be strong and face any obstacle that may come your way. It's only for a time. Love you and remember, any decision you make is a choice, not a mistake.

Signed,

Rebecca E. Abraham

(But I prefer to be called Maame Ezaneaya Abraham II​ because it takes me back to my roots,Lol)

P.S: To the irresponsible men out there, if you are skillful in bed, learn to be skillful in taking responsibilities as well.

Being His Peace...

My dear virtuous woman,

  I hope you learnt a lesson or two from my last post. Well, my message for you today is simple; BE YOUR MAN'S PEACE! 

See, before that man asked you to be his wife or girlfriend, he saw the good in you. He hoped you'd be his advisor when he needed advice. He hoped you'd be a strong and a positive influence in his life and he hoped that you coming into his life would make his  world a brighter place. But why do you keep babbling at the least misunderstanding? Why do you call him useless because he's doesn't give you those huge sums of money anymore? Why have you stopped making dinner for him? Have you even sat down to think about what he may be going through?

You keep complaining to your friends that your man has become a workaholic. Girlfriend, I'm sorry to tell you that you are the one driving him away from the house. You remember how he used to rush to the house during his lunch breaks to see your beautiful face when you first got together? He still has the same job right? Then ask yourself why he doesn't do that anymore. Ask yourself why he now comes home at 9:00pm and marches straight to the bathroom and forward march to bed like a soldier. I just pray that another woman is not taking your place now because that would require a divine intervention for him to run back to you.

I am not here to give you a list of the "do's and don'ts" in relationships. I'm just here to tell you that you're complaining too much, you are babbling, in fact, you are bickering! And he's getting fed up. He's at his wits end and if you don't take care he'll leave. And when you come crying to me that he's gone, I'll give you a big hug, cry with you, give you a dirty knock on your head and whisper "I told you so" before I speak with him on your behalf.lol

I understand that some men can be annoying, in fact some are lazy and would not move their feet unless you push them. Those men can't build a future with you if you ask me. Just use your discretion and know how to deal with those type of men but if you're blessed to have one of God's angels on earth, then please hold on to him with all thy might. By saying this, I don't mean you have to let go of yourself because of him, no! In all your dealings, apply wisdom. Your God, your career and your family should equally be as important to you if not greater.

My wonderful lady, please sit your man down and discuss your issues. Don't raise your voice but rather clarify your arguments. Let him know how you feel and if he is wise, he'll admit his mistakes and apologise immediately. Don't always let your voice be heard but let your heart be felt.

Be his peace when there is noise in his life, be his comforter when in crisis, give him a shoulder to lean on when he needs it and be that praying woman who pushes (pray until something happens) for him.

Our elders say that a word to the wise is enough and so my lady of excellence, I would like to end my "word" here and hope you'll learn from this.

Adieu!

Signed,

Rebecca E. Abraham

(Maame Ezaneaya Abraham II​)

Where I Stand...

So auntie calls this morning to ask about what I plan on getting for my cousin who is getting married next month and the rest of our discussion became a sermon. How smart she is! A perfect opening speech to discuss relationship issues again. I cringed to listen to her and at some point had to even end her statements for her. Don’t be surprised if I make the exact statements she makes every time. 

Truth is, this is about the eighth time we’ve had this discussion so I’m used to her ‘chorus ‘now.

Although I partly agree with what she says sometimes, I have questions rising from the amusing comments she makes when talking relationships.  There are two favourite statement of hers, ‘you can have dreams and ambitions, but you shouldn’t have too much of that because you may threaten a man’ and the second one, ‘There is no perfect man, all men are the same, if you say you’re going to wait for that perfect guy, you’ll wait for long. Just be with the man who loves you and respect you and act blind in your relationship and you’ll be just fine’.  Interesting points there, but I think I must clarify something here for my fellow amazing ladies to get things right. I must note here that I stand to be corrected if I go wrong because what I’m about to discuss is my opinion and you all know what they say about opinions...

On to my first question: where in the Holy Bible have we been told not to have a bigger dream or goal and strive to achieve that goal? This scripture may not really relate to my argument but I am convinced enough that what the Apostle Paul wrote in the book of Philippians that he presses on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called him in heavenwards in Christ Jesus, explains to every Christian, which I proudly am, that we should focus and strive to achieve our God-given purposes in life. If anything at all, the Apostle Paul talked about love and marriage, so why then did he not talk to women not to be too ambitious when he asked wives to submit to their husbands? Get this point straight today; when the scripture says wives should submit to their husbands it doesn’t mean you should kill your dreams for the man to be happy. It never means you shouldn’t be too ambitious to achieve that goal of obtaining your PhD. Nowhere does that scripture explain that wives should forgo what they aim to achieve and sit at home to worship a man and make him feel as the head figure in the family. If there’s anyone to worship, it should be your immortal creator and not a fellow human being who can be struck down at any point in time.

Turning away from the scriptures, it’s worth asking what we’re here on earth for. The answer to me is simple; to fulfil or accomplish the task God has given us to perform on this earth so that our generations will live to enjoy the benefits thereof. No matter how huge or great that task is, one has to focus and do anything to fulfil that purpose or at least die trying. So if my Creator has given me an assignment, who is man to tell me not to focus too much on achieving that purpose? I once came across this beautiful statement and I quote, ‘Each gifted man needs a gifted woman to help him to fulfil his objective, destiny and purpose in life. The male and female should be of one mind in doing the work of God’. A brilliant quote there! Assuming this statement is indeed true, which I actually think it is, and then I ask again, where does this explain that a woman should not be too ambitious? I can rightly deduce from this statement that, a woman should be purpose-driven and goal-oriented enough to even match up with the man who is also expected to be on the same level as the woman in terms of achieving a common purpose. Again, the two people must be ad idem with each other in doing the work God has brought them here to do.  So I ask, how can a less ambitious person be with the more ambitious to fulfil a task? How can a woman, who is so smart, be advised to act dumb so that a man would not feel threatened? How would you describe such a relationship? Is the man doing right by the woman? Is the woman being fair to herself and to God?  God has given you the talent and the grace to fulfil a higher calling and society tells you to limit those goals because men will run away from you. Really? If God indeed approved of this societal myth, then why did He give you that smart brain of yours and the grace to achieve whatever purpose he has placed on your heart? Spare me this myth! It’s rather a shame that girls are still being raised to cater for the fragile egos of men.

 I find it disheartening what a renowned writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie once said; ‘‘we raise girls to cater to the fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We tell girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful; otherwise you will threaten the man... we teach them shame, we make them feel as though by being born female they’re already guilty of something. And so girls grow up to be women who cannot see they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think. And they grow up- and this is the worst thing we do to girls- they grow up to be women who turn pretence into an art form’’. How sad!  Now, the people who don’t fear to tell the truth and fight for what is right are termed feminists and are described as bad influence. No problem! If I have to fight for what is right and tell the truth and I will be described as a bad influence, oh! Then I gladly stand shamelessly to call myself a feminist! Yes, I am one and I am not ashamed to fight for my fellow women and tell them the truth. I agree totally with what Dr. Maya Angelou once said and I quote, ‘’I’m a feminist. I’ve been a female for a long time now. It’d be stupid not to be on my own side.’’  I am a feminist who believes in love and strongly believes in marriage and vehemently opposes divorce but I will never limit my aspirations just to be with someone. No! After all, if indeed I am a gifted woman and there’s a gifted man who can join me and be of one mind to fulfil our purpose, then there’s probably such a man who would never feel threatened or intimidated or have his ego ‘killed’ by a woman’s aspirations.

Now to my next mind-boggling issue; ‘there is no perfect man’, says who? Take this from me today, the Holy Book is very old but I take a position to say that it’s the most current book I’ve ever come across. Why do I say so? It’s one book that has solutions to everything that happens on this very earth. One just has to play a simple part: only have faith and lean on the promises the Lord has given us in His word.  So if God has promised me in His word to perfect which that concerns me, who then has the guts to tell me there is no perfect man? Auntie, I’m so sorry, but if a man should come around a lady and he’s not good, then probably he’s not the one for her. I still take my stand that God will perfect that which concerns me. My partner concerns me, so I strongly believe God will perfect him, period! The good thing I know about the God that I serve is that he is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and not act? Does he promise and not fulfil?

Many ladies have been ill-advised and are now in marriages wishing they were single. They had been told that no man was perfect and so might have ended up with any man; not the gifted man for the gifted woman she is. We are blessed not to find ourselves in that situation so this is the time to make certain firm decisions.  My fellow single, amazing, affable superwoman, hear me today: never settle for anything less than you deserve. You deserve a perfect man, you’ll have him. You deserve a man who believes in your dreams and will do anything to let you achieve them, even if he has to sell his last jacket. Hold on, you’ll find him. Take this from me today, it’s good to look for something so that you’ll find, but sometimes, when you stop looking, that’s when you find. That person you’ve been looking for might be right next to you. He might be too good to be true because you think he’s perfect. Stop looking for the imperfect guy. There’s a perfect one for you.

If you are already married, all hope is not lost. Redraw your plans again and begin to walk that dream. No excuses please. If it has to be taking care of the children or finances don’t worry. Where there is a will, there surely will be a way. You’ll definitely get along well juggling achieving your goal and taking care of the home. Remember the Bible tells us that it is God who gives us the ability to produce wealth. If He indeed assigned to you that task, then He’ll surely see you through. If your man thinks, your decision will hurt his ego, never mind. Just take everything to the Lord in prayers and focus on achieving your goal.

To the real men out there, I don’t want to believe that your ego is crushed or you feel threatened when you see a woman climbing the ladder of success. If you feel intimidated when you are with a successful or a determined woman, then you have to assess yourself. What is so beautiful than walking with your head up high and being proud of your wife? What is sweeter than seeing your woman walk up the podium to receive awards for you to sit down, hit your chest and say, ‘she is mine?’ remember you are a gifted man, you need a gifted woman at the same level with you, both of you should be of one mind to achieve a purpose in life. Feeling intimidated by her smartness wouldn’t help; neither would acting dumb do so. She is your wife, she will respect you, be at your beck and call and make you happy. Only believe in her dream and support her all you can.

In the end when we meet our Maker, I hope we can boldly account for every talent He gave us to accomplish our tasks and not give excuses that we had to forgo some to please a man.  

I can now put down my pen here, hoping that my fellow women will take a word or two from my thoughts. All the best in whatever you have to do. Strive to achieve your goal or at least die trying.

Signed,

Becky Abraham

I still prefer to be called Ezaneaya.lol