The Pregnancy Wahala!

My dear wonderful, noble, amazing and beautiful ladies, please read this: the fact that the guy broke your virginity or got you pregnant doesn't mean you should hold on to h!im especially when he's treating you like a football. 

I had a sleepless night after my friend called late in the night to tell me what her boyfriend did to her. Ok , so her first idea was that she's a Christian and so she  made a promise to herself that the guy who breaks her virginity would be the one she'll marry and that to me is the first offence! The second idea was that she got pregnant for this guy and so he definitely had to be the husband when the guy had no plans of settling down. Second offence!

See, a man who will help you remove your pants but will let you wear it yourself after the act is a no no no. Girlfriend, I'm sorry but you should have seen this coming. The biggest sign was when you played the big prank on him that you were pregnant and the first thing he did was to pick up his phone to look for that pharmacist's contact. What were you thinking? Do you think he was asking for a drug that would keep the baby safe in your womb? Or he was asking for the prices of diapers?? And when you finally got pregnant for him you remember what he told you, that he didn't 'cum inside you'. Great! 

You told him you'd want to keep the baby and he was bold enough to tell you to leave him out of that decision and that he had no plans of being a dad. A good idea of not thinking about terminating the pregnancy but I'm wondering if you've stopped hanging out with him since you promised that the man who breaks your virginity will definitely be your husband.

OK, so what if I told you he already has a baby somewhere and you're baby mama 2. I'm being very real today because my dear, know this for a fact that you're not the only one going through this. See, we've all done things that could raise eyebrows but we share our stories not only because we want to come out clean, but because we don't want others to go through what we went through. We should teach people to walk on the rocks we stumbled on! We don't have to wait for them to also stumble before we teach them how to crawl, they have to walk! Baby girl, I decided to share your story because I felt this is nothing new to my fellow women. We are always hearing people's stories but someway, somehow we fall into that trap too and that is when we need a pick-me-up story to follow. 

Your story may also inspire another Lady to rescind her decision of aborting a baby or it may even touch a man's heart to accept the responsibility of being a father.

To every lady who is going through this like my friend now, I urge you to take heart. Whatever you decide to do is a choice, not a mistake. Please know that God is not mad at you and He'll never be. Confide in someone who is not judgemental and let them know what your plans are. 

I always pray that a time would come when a woman can run to her fellow woman to talk about sensitive issues without fear of mockery, intimidation or even gossip. Let's empower each other as women, it is my fervent prayer that we women will see each other as sisters and praying partners in the Lord and not enemies. They say women are their own enemies but I wish we would be at peace with each other and lift up prayers in oneness to our Sovereign God. 

This is one woman's story, I don't know about yours but I pray that the Lord holds you. Be strong and face any obstacle that may come your way. It's only for a time. Love you and remember, any decision you make is a choice, not a mistake.

Signed,

Rebecca E. Abraham

(But I prefer to be called Maame Ezaneaya Abraham II​ because it takes me back to my roots,Lol)

P.S: To the irresponsible men out there, if you are skillful in bed, learn to be skillful in taking responsibilities as well.

Being His Peace...

My dear virtuous woman,

  I hope you learnt a lesson or two from my last post. Well, my message for you today is simple; BE YOUR MAN'S PEACE! 

See, before that man asked you to be his wife or girlfriend, he saw the good in you. He hoped you'd be his advisor when he needed advice. He hoped you'd be a strong and a positive influence in his life and he hoped that you coming into his life would make his  world a brighter place. But why do you keep babbling at the least misunderstanding? Why do you call him useless because he's doesn't give you those huge sums of money anymore? Why have you stopped making dinner for him? Have you even sat down to think about what he may be going through?

You keep complaining to your friends that your man has become a workaholic. Girlfriend, I'm sorry to tell you that you are the one driving him away from the house. You remember how he used to rush to the house during his lunch breaks to see your beautiful face when you first got together? He still has the same job right? Then ask yourself why he doesn't do that anymore. Ask yourself why he now comes home at 9:00pm and marches straight to the bathroom and forward march to bed like a soldier. I just pray that another woman is not taking your place now because that would require a divine intervention for him to run back to you.

I am not here to give you a list of the "do's and don'ts" in relationships. I'm just here to tell you that you're complaining too much, you are babbling, in fact, you are bickering! And he's getting fed up. He's at his wits end and if you don't take care he'll leave. And when you come crying to me that he's gone, I'll give you a big hug, cry with you, give you a dirty knock on your head and whisper "I told you so" before I speak with him on your behalf.lol

I understand that some men can be annoying, in fact some are lazy and would not move their feet unless you push them. Those men can't build a future with you if you ask me. Just use your discretion and know how to deal with those type of men but if you're blessed to have one of God's angels on earth, then please hold on to him with all thy might. By saying this, I don't mean you have to let go of yourself because of him, no! In all your dealings, apply wisdom. Your God, your career and your family should equally be as important to you if not greater.

My wonderful lady, please sit your man down and discuss your issues. Don't raise your voice but rather clarify your arguments. Let him know how you feel and if he is wise, he'll admit his mistakes and apologise immediately. Don't always let your voice be heard but let your heart be felt.

Be his peace when there is noise in his life, be his comforter when in crisis, give him a shoulder to lean on when he needs it and be that praying woman who pushes (pray until something happens) for him.

Our elders say that a word to the wise is enough and so my lady of excellence, I would like to end my "word" here and hope you'll learn from this.

Adieu!

Signed,

Rebecca E. Abraham

(Maame Ezaneaya Abraham II​)

Where I Stand...

So auntie calls this morning to ask about what I plan on getting for my cousin who is getting married next month and the rest of our discussion became a sermon. How smart she is! A perfect opening speech to discuss relationship issues again. I cringed to listen to her and at some point had to even end her statements for her. Don’t be surprised if I make the exact statements she makes every time. 

Truth is, this is about the eighth time we’ve had this discussion so I’m used to her ‘chorus ‘now.

Although I partly agree with what she says sometimes, I have questions rising from the amusing comments she makes when talking relationships.  There are two favourite statement of hers, ‘you can have dreams and ambitions, but you shouldn’t have too much of that because you may threaten a man’ and the second one, ‘There is no perfect man, all men are the same, if you say you’re going to wait for that perfect guy, you’ll wait for long. Just be with the man who loves you and respect you and act blind in your relationship and you’ll be just fine’.  Interesting points there, but I think I must clarify something here for my fellow amazing ladies to get things right. I must note here that I stand to be corrected if I go wrong because what I’m about to discuss is my opinion and you all know what they say about opinions...

On to my first question: where in the Holy Bible have we been told not to have a bigger dream or goal and strive to achieve that goal? This scripture may not really relate to my argument but I am convinced enough that what the Apostle Paul wrote in the book of Philippians that he presses on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called him in heavenwards in Christ Jesus, explains to every Christian, which I proudly am, that we should focus and strive to achieve our God-given purposes in life. If anything at all, the Apostle Paul talked about love and marriage, so why then did he not talk to women not to be too ambitious when he asked wives to submit to their husbands? Get this point straight today; when the scripture says wives should submit to their husbands it doesn’t mean you should kill your dreams for the man to be happy. It never means you shouldn’t be too ambitious to achieve that goal of obtaining your PhD. Nowhere does that scripture explain that wives should forgo what they aim to achieve and sit at home to worship a man and make him feel as the head figure in the family. If there’s anyone to worship, it should be your immortal creator and not a fellow human being who can be struck down at any point in time.

Turning away from the scriptures, it’s worth asking what we’re here on earth for. The answer to me is simple; to fulfil or accomplish the task God has given us to perform on this earth so that our generations will live to enjoy the benefits thereof. No matter how huge or great that task is, one has to focus and do anything to fulfil that purpose or at least die trying. So if my Creator has given me an assignment, who is man to tell me not to focus too much on achieving that purpose? I once came across this beautiful statement and I quote, ‘Each gifted man needs a gifted woman to help him to fulfil his objective, destiny and purpose in life. The male and female should be of one mind in doing the work of God’. A brilliant quote there! Assuming this statement is indeed true, which I actually think it is, and then I ask again, where does this explain that a woman should not be too ambitious? I can rightly deduce from this statement that, a woman should be purpose-driven and goal-oriented enough to even match up with the man who is also expected to be on the same level as the woman in terms of achieving a common purpose. Again, the two people must be ad idem with each other in doing the work God has brought them here to do.  So I ask, how can a less ambitious person be with the more ambitious to fulfil a task? How can a woman, who is so smart, be advised to act dumb so that a man would not feel threatened? How would you describe such a relationship? Is the man doing right by the woman? Is the woman being fair to herself and to God?  God has given you the talent and the grace to fulfil a higher calling and society tells you to limit those goals because men will run away from you. Really? If God indeed approved of this societal myth, then why did He give you that smart brain of yours and the grace to achieve whatever purpose he has placed on your heart? Spare me this myth! It’s rather a shame that girls are still being raised to cater for the fragile egos of men.

 I find it disheartening what a renowned writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie once said; ‘‘we raise girls to cater to the fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We tell girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful; otherwise you will threaten the man... we teach them shame, we make them feel as though by being born female they’re already guilty of something. And so girls grow up to be women who cannot see they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think. And they grow up- and this is the worst thing we do to girls- they grow up to be women who turn pretence into an art form’’. How sad!  Now, the people who don’t fear to tell the truth and fight for what is right are termed feminists and are described as bad influence. No problem! If I have to fight for what is right and tell the truth and I will be described as a bad influence, oh! Then I gladly stand shamelessly to call myself a feminist! Yes, I am one and I am not ashamed to fight for my fellow women and tell them the truth. I agree totally with what Dr. Maya Angelou once said and I quote, ‘’I’m a feminist. I’ve been a female for a long time now. It’d be stupid not to be on my own side.’’  I am a feminist who believes in love and strongly believes in marriage and vehemently opposes divorce but I will never limit my aspirations just to be with someone. No! After all, if indeed I am a gifted woman and there’s a gifted man who can join me and be of one mind to fulfil our purpose, then there’s probably such a man who would never feel threatened or intimidated or have his ego ‘killed’ by a woman’s aspirations.

Now to my next mind-boggling issue; ‘there is no perfect man’, says who? Take this from me today, the Holy Book is very old but I take a position to say that it’s the most current book I’ve ever come across. Why do I say so? It’s one book that has solutions to everything that happens on this very earth. One just has to play a simple part: only have faith and lean on the promises the Lord has given us in His word.  So if God has promised me in His word to perfect which that concerns me, who then has the guts to tell me there is no perfect man? Auntie, I’m so sorry, but if a man should come around a lady and he’s not good, then probably he’s not the one for her. I still take my stand that God will perfect that which concerns me. My partner concerns me, so I strongly believe God will perfect him, period! The good thing I know about the God that I serve is that he is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and not act? Does he promise and not fulfil?

Many ladies have been ill-advised and are now in marriages wishing they were single. They had been told that no man was perfect and so might have ended up with any man; not the gifted man for the gifted woman she is. We are blessed not to find ourselves in that situation so this is the time to make certain firm decisions.  My fellow single, amazing, affable superwoman, hear me today: never settle for anything less than you deserve. You deserve a perfect man, you’ll have him. You deserve a man who believes in your dreams and will do anything to let you achieve them, even if he has to sell his last jacket. Hold on, you’ll find him. Take this from me today, it’s good to look for something so that you’ll find, but sometimes, when you stop looking, that’s when you find. That person you’ve been looking for might be right next to you. He might be too good to be true because you think he’s perfect. Stop looking for the imperfect guy. There’s a perfect one for you.

If you are already married, all hope is not lost. Redraw your plans again and begin to walk that dream. No excuses please. If it has to be taking care of the children or finances don’t worry. Where there is a will, there surely will be a way. You’ll definitely get along well juggling achieving your goal and taking care of the home. Remember the Bible tells us that it is God who gives us the ability to produce wealth. If He indeed assigned to you that task, then He’ll surely see you through. If your man thinks, your decision will hurt his ego, never mind. Just take everything to the Lord in prayers and focus on achieving your goal.

To the real men out there, I don’t want to believe that your ego is crushed or you feel threatened when you see a woman climbing the ladder of success. If you feel intimidated when you are with a successful or a determined woman, then you have to assess yourself. What is so beautiful than walking with your head up high and being proud of your wife? What is sweeter than seeing your woman walk up the podium to receive awards for you to sit down, hit your chest and say, ‘she is mine?’ remember you are a gifted man, you need a gifted woman at the same level with you, both of you should be of one mind to achieve a purpose in life. Feeling intimidated by her smartness wouldn’t help; neither would acting dumb do so. She is your wife, she will respect you, be at your beck and call and make you happy. Only believe in her dream and support her all you can.

In the end when we meet our Maker, I hope we can boldly account for every talent He gave us to accomplish our tasks and not give excuses that we had to forgo some to please a man.  

I can now put down my pen here, hoping that my fellow women will take a word or two from my thoughts. All the best in whatever you have to do. Strive to achieve your goal or at least die trying.

Signed,

Becky Abraham

I still prefer to be called Ezaneaya.lol

IN THE JOURNAL OF MRS. THOMPSON 3

15/03/1988

My dear diary, sorry for keeping you waiting on what is happening in my world. I’m in grief because I lost my dad two days ago. My half sister came to deliver this terrible news today. I still can’t believe he’s gone because I was in his office just last week and he told me he had a slight headache. Apparently, he died of heart failure. I don’t want to think of what mom may be going through now but God knows best. I leave all to Him. After all, He gives and He takes.

The last few days have been good because I went to the hospital and yours truly is 3 weeks pregnant but the doctor said it was not time to determine the gender of the child. I informed Kwesi and he was very happy and for once he kissed my tummy. Yes, he did! The few days since my last writing have been marvellous. Kwesi has been the best husband in the world. I think it’s because I’m pregnant; he buys me chocolate on his way back from work every evening and also massages my feet. When the news came in that dad has passed away, he hugged me so tight and I felt so loved at that moment. Oh, how I longed for this hug! We went for a walk that evening and he did everything to make me laugh all night. I really needed every bit of his presence. I truly appreciate what he’s been doing for me these days. I pray for more everyday.lol 

Now that dad has passed away, I have to visit the family members to discuss his burial service but I’m thinking of my Kwesi.  I’m thinking of who’ll take care of him when I’m away. Who will cook for him and wash his clothes? My half sister was also saying she’d love to stay with me and continue her education since dad has passed. Her mom whom my dad never married died about five years ago and so she had to live with dad till his demise. I haven’t discussed that with Kwesi yet but I plan on doing that tomorrow evening. I hope to make the right decision.

I thank God for these last few days; the love I’m getting from Kwesi and also the gift He has given me; a baby. I also thank Him for the life of my daddy and for calling him in His own time. In everything, I give thanks to God. Rest in peace daddy.

IN THE JOURNAL OF MRS. THOMPSON (2)

08/03/1988

Dear diary, I am very happy today because I think I am pregnant. What I am about to tell you is really amazing and I know you’ll doubt but remember, the God I serve is such a miracle working God. Last night after my evening devotion, I asked Kwesi to give me a massage and he told me he was too tired to do that and he slept off. As I lay on the bed reflecting on the devotion I had earlier on, I saw something which wasn’t a dream, trust me, I think it was a vision I had. I saw a bridal train marching up towards me with such pretty smiles on their faces. When they got closer to our bed, a little flower girl climbed on the bed and sat on me and all I saw again was that, the bridal train had turned their backs and the little girl looked happy as she waved them goodbye. I immediately woke up Kwesi when I came back to my senses and told him what I had seen but he thought it was a nightmare. Diary, I can swear what I saw was real. I couldn’t sleep last night; I kept worshipping God and praising Him all night for what I had seen. I have this strong faith that I am pregnant with a baby girl and this girl I’m carrying in my womb is for signs and wonders. I know that she will live to fulfil the purpose for which God sent her to do.

My in-law, Kwesi’s mom was here today. I don’t know what this woman is up to. The first place she entered immediately she got here was the kitchen. Auntie Naomi just entered my kitchen and opened the saucepan on the stove to see what I had made for her son. I came back from my bedroom only to see my in-law dishing out the food I had prepared for my husband to eat. When I humbly asked her why she did that, this old woman had the guts to ask who gave me the money to cook. She made me know today that anything that belongs to her son in this house belongs to her. Ahhh, Auntie Naomi paa is something else o. You know, I promised myself never to have sex till I got married and so I seldom visited Kwesi in his house when we were courting. We used to hang out a lot in open places and in my house when my siblings were around. He didn’t even like the idea of me coming to visit because he thought it was embarrassing on his side. I would have gotten to know this in-law of mine better if I had gone to his house often when we were courting. No wonder Kwesi doesn’t like his mom, he never speaks well of her. I now understand.

Diary, do you think I should tell Kwesi about what his mother came to do here? Because I’m thinking my husband will get angry and say hurtful things to his mother and that will mean I am causing issues between a mother and her child. I don’t want these kinds of issues in my marriage; I want to have peace in my home.

Ps: I plan on going to the hospital tomorrow to check if I am pregnant. Fingers crossed!

IN THE JOURNAL OF MRS. THOMPSON(1)

02/03/1988

My name is Mrs. Ama Thompson. I'm married to Mr. Kwesi Thompson, a clerk with a renowned institution in Tema. I met Kwesi at church; in fact he was the youth president at the time. A very dynamic and spiritual fellow he was. People kept talking about his prayerful life and how He had availed himself for God to use him. He told me he was from a very poor family and that his father who was a fisherman never married his mom who was just a help in someone's house. I felt pity for him and also felt something for him which i would call love. I then decided that I'll walk with this man and be his help. My siblings were so much against the relationship that some even decided not to talk with me anymore but i was never bothered; I had found the love of my heart. Not to boast, I come from a well-to-do family; my dad is a big time businessman and my mom is a nurse. It was dad's wish that i marry his business partner's son Sam but truly, I never liked that guy. He was always clubbing and having fun so when I met Kwesi who was so such a staunch christian, I knew he was what I wanted in a man. I did everything for Kwesi, I made sure he changed his wardrobe so that he could feel good anytime he came around my family, especially my dad. I created the impression that he was also from a good home so dad could accept him; little did dad know i was using the money he gave me to cater for my Kwesi.

Kwesi proposed to me on the 25th of January, 1987 , that was after my dad had found him a job. I thought it was too early for him since he needed time to settle down but no, my Kwesi boldly went to my dad to ask for my had in marriage when i had travelled with mom so when we came back from the trip, dad told me my husband-to-be had come for the marriage list. Well, it wasn't really a bother because I loved him and I knew I would marry him someday. Our wedding was so big and wonderful, my parents did everything to make me happy on my day and dad gave us a house to live in upon my request. Everything went on smoothly as I wished till I started noticing something. Anytime we closed from church on Sundays, Kwesi would chat with this particular girl for quite a long time and when I walked to him to let him know I'm waiting for him, he'd ask me to take the lead and that he'll come home later. He'd come back like 3 hours later and when I asked he'd be bold enough to tell me I'm not his superior to be asking about where he goes.So soon?

Dear diary, I'm writing all this today because i feel betrayed, not by an enemy but by a lover. Apparently, the lady Kwesi always chats with at church is his girlfriend. His own friend John told me this. Kwesi made me believe that he converted her to Christianity and so it is his responsibility to know how she's coping with the new path she has taken. I approached the girl today after the fasting and prayer service this evening at church and she admitted that she was indeed seeing my husband. She begged me to let that stay between us and promised never to see Kwesi again. I haven't asked Kwesi and I doubt I ever will. Don't ask me why?

A demon with the wings of an angel.

I think I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t have to bother myself with people’s issues anymore. It looks like people take you for granted when you are nice to them and even take you for a fool. I have been advised several times not to let what I go through affect my personality but hey sometimes, pulling back I think is better than to have some wounds that would be very difficult to heal. Trust me!

There’s this girl I met during my last semester in uni through a next door neighbour in the hostel I resided. This guy kept telling me about a girl he was taking care of in school because she was a pauper. I was so touched by her story that I wanted to meet her badly. I finally met this girl and her story I heard again was just too bad. She told me her parents passed away when she was just a kid and that she stayed with her half sister in Kumasi who paid no attention to her at all and that she had to struggle to pay her fees. I immediately opened my arms to this girl and told her to come to me if she ever needed any help and that she was now my sister. What even made me like this girl most was when she told me she is a prayer warrior and that she loves to pray at dawn and cannot sleep if she doesn’t get to the field to pray. Little did I know I had opened up to a demon. I made this girl so free around me that she’d get up in the morning and the next place would be to my room to search for food. I was never worried about that since I thought I was a blessing in someone’s life. What even hurts me most was the fact that I introduced her to someone I have always respected and cherished my whole life. She met this lady and also lied to her about herself just as she did to me.  Apparently, she even told my mentor about a scholarship she had been awarded and that she needed GHC1500 to process her documents to study in the United States for some time. Hmm, I just bless God I found out who she was before someone offered to sponsor her. I remember a time I took her to the mall to shop for her because she had told me she never had the motherly love and that no one cared about her. All I wanted to do was to make her happy; I would call this girl right after my lectures and ask her if she had had lunch even when I hadn’t had mine. Another stupid thing I also did was to introduce this girl to my boyfriend!

The whole truth about this girl was revealed when my boyfriend and I realised that her conversations with us did not tally with who she told us she was. This girl who told me she had to fast for some days because she couldn’t afford gari was the same person who was now telling me she used to drive Mercedes and that some prominent people in Ghana were her friends. We started to raise eyebrows at what she was now telling us but who were we to judge someone.  A guy who was also in the same hostel and claimed to know the girl in question back in Kumasi was apparently looking for me to warn me against the girl since that was what she did to get the attention of others and dupe them. The girl was a number one fraudster and a liar who had played her tricks on many people on campus but what baffled me and still does is the fact that she was a member of many societies on campus and even had the guts to run for leadership roles in some of these social groups when she was not a student. Well, that is another issue for another day as to how someone who is not a student found her way in a hostel as a student to swindle innocent people. She told me she was a student pursuing languages with majors in Spanish, Chinese and Portuguese. I don’t even know how and why I  believed her when there was no way someone could be offered to read more than two modern languages in the university. I gathered courage to confront this girl and ask her if what the guy told me about her was true and that was when she started to rattle more lies. It looked like nothing good ever came out from this girl’s mouth and the most annoying sentence she’d make before lying again was, “let’s put God in the centre”.

If I should write everything that was revealed in the end, I won’t sleep this evening but the whole truth was that the girl was not a student in the uni, she was a thief and a pathetic liar. I cried that day when I interrogated her and she told me the truth (which I don’t really believe everything she said). I also got to know that the money she was looking for was to get an agency to help her travel with the intention of not coming back and surprisingly, she had five (5) names she used everywhere she went. We woke up the next day and we were told she moved out that dawn. I’m sure she might have relocated to another place to continue defrauding people but I pray people will really know who she is and not fall a victim.

I was told she said to someone that I have disgraced her and made people who respected her know who she really is and that she’ll deal with me but I want her to know wherever she is that I didn’t do anything and that her cup was just full. If anything should happen to anyone she must rather suffer because she has hurt people and not me and besides every truth that was revealed to me I think was from God and not me. I forced the truth out of her when she thought she had won the hearts of people with her blatant lies.

Sara or whichever name you are using now, know that He who lives in me is greater than He who is of this world and my God has also promised me that He’ll let my enemies eat their own flesh as if they are eating bread and drink their own blood as if they are drinking wine and I also want you to know that my God’s words never goes back to Him void which means whatever He says must be accomplished so you better make the right choice.

To my mentor, my role model and my inspiration, I’m so sorry I brought this devil into your life. I know I didn’t do well by not really finding out who she was before introducing her to you but I’ve learnt my lesson. I pray you find a place in your heart to forgive me. I always think about this issue and try to forget what happened but I feel this girl has hurt me so much that I can’t forget. I pray that God will replenish everything you sacrificed for the girl. Once again, I’m very sorry. I’ve learnt my lesson a hard way.

To my pals out there, please be careful of the people you meet in life because they may be demons with angels’ wings.